Posts
I was born in raised in Cleveland, Ohio. Yes, the mistake by the lake. Where the river burned. Where the mayor lit his hair on fire. Where the local utility conned us by saying they lit the best location in the nation. So I am not surprised.
I watched Brian Sipe throw that interception on Red Right 88 instead of the touchdown pass or the short run that would have put the Browns into their first Super Bowl. I watched, way too many times now, John Elway take the Broncos 98 yards to snatch away the Browns first Super Bowl. I watched the next year in disbelief as Earnest Byner fumbled as he was entering the end zone and taking the Browns to their first Super Bowl. I had my heart ripped out by Art Modell as the Browns were moved to replace the Colts in the hearts of Baltimore sports fans. And I have watched in agony as the Browns have re-established themselves in the NFL. Tim Couch as their first draft pick. Kellen Winslow's expert motorcycle exploits. Just missing the playoffs. Then trading Winslow barely a month after getting a Winslow jersey last Christmas. So I am not surprised.
I watched the Indians grow strong in the early 1990's after being the inspiration for only the movie “Major League” for decades. The only thing the Indians of my youth were good for was supplying other clubs with All-Stars, Chris Chambliss and Craig Nettles come immediately to mind. Then the best Indians team of my life loses the chance to make the World Series to the only post-season in Major League Baseball history wiped out by a labor dispute. And then there is that World Series where they imploded at the end of game 7. And then modern economics dictated supplying a few more All-Stars to other teams. So I am not surprised.
I watched the Cavaliers begin their history with 15 consecutive losses. They had a few good players, but most of those Cav teams were forgettable. There was the Miracle of Richfield, the distant outpost where they played their games. But that stopped short of the NBA Finals. And then they got Brad Daugherty and Mark Price and Larry Nance. And then there was that shot by some guy named Jordan. Yes, you too have seen it hundreds of times. But wait, we got the King! And LeBron got us to the Finals when we had no business being there. And the Spurs kicked their butts. OK. LeBron will have other chances. Like this year, with the best record in basketball. Two four-and-outs in the first two rounds. Kobe, see you in the Finals!!! Wait, Dwight Howard, you have a team with you? So I am not surprised.
LeBron James left the arena last night in a huff. He was mad. He was disappointed. He did not want to talk to the media. Now I am surprised. And I am very disappointed. He will try to make things right with his friends. He will try to make things right with the media. He will make it right for us fans by being spectacular again next year and raising our hopes. But his actions last night are a foreshadowing. See, LeBron's contract is complete after one more season in Cleveland. He has brought us more joy than we expected, and brought it far sooner than we thought we would enjoy it. He is a once in a generation athlete. And he is all ours. For now. LeBron will go to another team where he will be a multiple championship winner and win a bunch of MVP trophies. The Cavaliers will not be good for a long time. And I will not be surprised. And I will be disappointed.
And I will still have been born and raised in Cleveland. And still waiting for the championship that I can help celebrate. See, I was 4 years old the last time Cleveland hosted a championship team. And I would like to see it again before I pass from this Earth. But I will not be surprised. And I will still be disappointed.
Until Next Time,
Julius
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
There IS crying…FOR baseball!!!
In deference to the famous line from “A League of Their Own” I am crying for baseball, and I want to find a way to stop my crying and restore some of the respect due America’s game. I believe there is a way to stop major leaguers from taking performance enhancing substances (PES’s), and it needs to be seriously considered before absolutely no one cares about this sport and its rich history.
I loved baseball as a child, even though I grew up in Cleveland, home of Beer Night and inspiration for the film Major League, training ground for countless All-Stars for other teams, and host for the only All-Star game used to restart a season. I could go on, but I shall spare you. I could also list the agony of growing up a Browns fan, but let’s not go there either. I would rather digress to the bigger picture.
Baseball has had its share of labor unrest. Strikes or another form of work stoppage in 1972, 1973, 1976, 1980, 1981, 1985, 1990, and 1994. Yes, those awesome 1994 Indians never had a chance to become world champions because there was no post-season.
Baseball has suffered its share of other, shall we call them, embarrassments. Pete Rose. The home run record races in 1998 (McGuire and Sosa) and 2001 (Bonds) being tainted by PES allegations. The Congressional hearings in March, 2005. Ken Caminitti. Jose Conseco, multiple times. The Mitchell Report. Balco.
While it could be argued that the labor situation needed heroes like Curt Flood, Andy Messersmith and Dave McNally to help establish free agency, it cannot be argued that we needed PES’s to tarnish the game. One can make a case that both of these situations arose from a single human flaw, common to even our current economic disaster: GREED.
Had the owners had a shred of compassion and a sense of fairness for the players, all of the strikes could have been avoided. The players union was formed for the very same reason as all unions were formed: to provide a mechanism to give workers a voice in gaining a fair wage and acceptable working conditions. Had business been a little less greedy, these disputes could have been solved without work stoppages. But many believe that “Greed is good!” Perhaps for the drive it provides in a capitalistic world, but not when it becomes THE single driver of decision making.
Bud Selig. Does anyone else’s name engender such a broad range of negative emotions? This man is being paid over $15 million per year to run Major League Baseball. Why? What is he leaving for the next generation? And we thought that George W. Bush was struggling for a legacy?!?!?! Mr. Selig is not leaving a legacy. He is leaving a tragedy! We all suspected, if not knew, that something was not right when 60 homers were being hit before Labor Day 10 or so years ago. There was proof that the ball was not hot. There was proof that the bats were not hot. Didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out! But let’s do nothing. Why? The turnstiles were humming!!! Fans were showing up in record numbers!!! Merchandise was moving!!! TV was paying big bucks for Bud’s game!!!
Then it started. The Congressional hearing. Palmeiro. McGuire. Conseco. Sosa forgetting how to speak English. Clemens. And on and on. Now the A-Rod revelations. And most recently Manny. Manny Ramirez. Not our Manny, the disciplined hitting student? Cleveland’s Manny? LA’s Manny? Yes! That Manny!!! Why?
I no longer care why!!! My hopes have been dashed for the last time. My heart has been broken too many times. I pray that the game will be clean someday. Not for me, but for the kids. The generations to come who need to know the intricate dance that is baseball. The strategy. The dance between pitcher and hitter. The reams of records. Which can no longer be compared to today’s statistics. Ooops! Still, there is no other game like it. But what can we do???
I’ll tell you what we can do!!! Remember GREED? That motivator of all men when it comes to financial matters? We need to cure greed! Greed is what makes these guys look for the edge. I have better numbers in my contract year and I get PAID!!! Well, let’s imagine that when you get caught with a positive test for PES’s your salary gets cut by 50%! That’s right, in half! And let’s imagine that in your future contracts, you can make no more than you are making after that 50% cut. Yes, the $2 million man becomes a $1 million man, but not for that year, but for the rest of his career! Will that make these guys think twice about filling the syringe and injecting themselves with this crap? Will that guy hanging on for the minimum salary risk losing half that salary? Seems to me that this has a chance at working. What do you think, Mr. Selig???
It certainly gives us something to think about. All of us who are sitting out here wondering where the next mortgage payment is going to come from because our job was downsized out of existence are thinking: “I wonder if I will ever plunk down my good money to reward a game that has so disappointed me and millions of others. Maybe I’ll get my fix at the local Little League field. What? They play soccer there now?” I wonder why???
Until Next Time!
Julius
I loved baseball as a child, even though I grew up in Cleveland, home of Beer Night and inspiration for the film Major League, training ground for countless All-Stars for other teams, and host for the only All-Star game used to restart a season. I could go on, but I shall spare you. I could also list the agony of growing up a Browns fan, but let’s not go there either. I would rather digress to the bigger picture.
Baseball has had its share of labor unrest. Strikes or another form of work stoppage in 1972, 1973, 1976, 1980, 1981, 1985, 1990, and 1994. Yes, those awesome 1994 Indians never had a chance to become world champions because there was no post-season.
Baseball has suffered its share of other, shall we call them, embarrassments. Pete Rose. The home run record races in 1998 (McGuire and Sosa) and 2001 (Bonds) being tainted by PES allegations. The Congressional hearings in March, 2005. Ken Caminitti. Jose Conseco, multiple times. The Mitchell Report. Balco.
While it could be argued that the labor situation needed heroes like Curt Flood, Andy Messersmith and Dave McNally to help establish free agency, it cannot be argued that we needed PES’s to tarnish the game. One can make a case that both of these situations arose from a single human flaw, common to even our current economic disaster: GREED.
Had the owners had a shred of compassion and a sense of fairness for the players, all of the strikes could have been avoided. The players union was formed for the very same reason as all unions were formed: to provide a mechanism to give workers a voice in gaining a fair wage and acceptable working conditions. Had business been a little less greedy, these disputes could have been solved without work stoppages. But many believe that “Greed is good!” Perhaps for the drive it provides in a capitalistic world, but not when it becomes THE single driver of decision making.
Bud Selig. Does anyone else’s name engender such a broad range of negative emotions? This man is being paid over $15 million per year to run Major League Baseball. Why? What is he leaving for the next generation? And we thought that George W. Bush was struggling for a legacy?!?!?! Mr. Selig is not leaving a legacy. He is leaving a tragedy! We all suspected, if not knew, that something was not right when 60 homers were being hit before Labor Day 10 or so years ago. There was proof that the ball was not hot. There was proof that the bats were not hot. Didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out! But let’s do nothing. Why? The turnstiles were humming!!! Fans were showing up in record numbers!!! Merchandise was moving!!! TV was paying big bucks for Bud’s game!!!
Then it started. The Congressional hearing. Palmeiro. McGuire. Conseco. Sosa forgetting how to speak English. Clemens. And on and on. Now the A-Rod revelations. And most recently Manny. Manny Ramirez. Not our Manny, the disciplined hitting student? Cleveland’s Manny? LA’s Manny? Yes! That Manny!!! Why?
I no longer care why!!! My hopes have been dashed for the last time. My heart has been broken too many times. I pray that the game will be clean someday. Not for me, but for the kids. The generations to come who need to know the intricate dance that is baseball. The strategy. The dance between pitcher and hitter. The reams of records. Which can no longer be compared to today’s statistics. Ooops! Still, there is no other game like it. But what can we do???
I’ll tell you what we can do!!! Remember GREED? That motivator of all men when it comes to financial matters? We need to cure greed! Greed is what makes these guys look for the edge. I have better numbers in my contract year and I get PAID!!! Well, let’s imagine that when you get caught with a positive test for PES’s your salary gets cut by 50%! That’s right, in half! And let’s imagine that in your future contracts, you can make no more than you are making after that 50% cut. Yes, the $2 million man becomes a $1 million man, but not for that year, but for the rest of his career! Will that make these guys think twice about filling the syringe and injecting themselves with this crap? Will that guy hanging on for the minimum salary risk losing half that salary? Seems to me that this has a chance at working. What do you think, Mr. Selig???
It certainly gives us something to think about. All of us who are sitting out here wondering where the next mortgage payment is going to come from because our job was downsized out of existence are thinking: “I wonder if I will ever plunk down my good money to reward a game that has so disappointed me and millions of others. Maybe I’ll get my fix at the local Little League field. What? They play soccer there now?” I wonder why???
Until Next Time!
Julius
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Love is All That Matters
“And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness…And God created man in his own image…And God blessed them...And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.”
Genesis 1: 26-31; American Standard Version (http://www.biblegateway.com)
Shouldn’t that be enough for us to be satisfied? Isn’t that a high enough standard for all of us, that God created us, and that we are very good? Where do so many of us get the idea that we are less than very good? What is the motivation to be less than very good? Near as I can tell this notion that we are less than very good is more destructive than it is motivational.
Somewhere between our birth as totally innocent beings and the moment when we finally believe that we are “very good” we are taught the notion that we are more than some people and less than others. We are more or less intelligent. We are more or less financially secure. We are more or less able to accomplish athletic tasks. We are more or less worthy of the love and respect of others.
Perhaps it is a humanization of Mother Nature’s pecking order. It is well established that among many animal species that live as groups there are identifiable animals that are the leaders, or the “alphas,” and that there are sometimes battles to establish the alpha. Being as we are descendants of the animal kingdom this should not be too surprising. This stratification appears to begin when we are very young, where some children demonstrate abilities that are superior to those of others. Reading ability. Cognitive abilities. Athletic abilities. Leadership abilities. After all, we are each a combination of different slices of genetic code, and there are an infinite number of such combinations. That we all don’t do everything equally well is not surprising.
The striking thing is that beings that were created by a loving God use this natural separation of abilities as the basis for social differentiation. We learn as children to praise and belittle others based on these natural abilities. We are taught to look up to certain people as role models. We are taught to look down upon others as bad examples. We begin to call others names, and then the names get more awful as we hear what adults call each other. So we not only inherit our genetically-granted abilities from our families, but also their standards and biases and prejudices, and their labels. Fat. Stupid. Idiot. Democrat. Republican. And all of the others that my conscious does not allow me to type.
Where is the love? The love that is best taught by the Golden Rule, and other biblical variations upon it:
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
John 13:34; American Standard Version (http://www.biblegateway.com)
"The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'…To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."
Mark 12:31, 33; American Standard Version (http://www.biblegateway.com)
"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."
1 John 4:12; American Standard Version (http://www.biblegateway.com)
What do we say about ourselves when we categorize those around us, those we elect to lead us, those who live in foreign lands, those who truly do not know better, with the slurs we learn from adults and the others we hold as leaders? I believe that we are telling ourselves that we do not love ourselves very much; that there are fundamental parts of our being that have not been put into place. And there are plenty of clues that this is the case. Addictive and compulsive behaviors.
At 48 years of age I have finally read and learned enough to know that the compulsions that have manifested themselves inside of me have been driven by low self-esteem, a feeling that I am not good enough, that I need to be more. They are fueled by my inability to solve my need to please other people at my own expense, to compromise to the point of compromising my values and what I know to be right. I have this overwhelming urge to please others as a means to get them to accept me. To love me. Because somewhere along the way I never learned to love myself enough to say “no:” to food, to pleasure, to relaxation, to spending money I didn’t have, to skipping exercise. And based on the obesity epidemic and the scores of those who harbor addictions, I believe that I am not the only one who has been looking for love in all the wrong places.
And where are the right places? In the 21st Century, they are everywhere! There are Internet communities that provide the support needed to help us begin to see that we are not alone, that provide the information to help us make better choices, that provide the fuel to allow us to find the courage to keep seeking answers to our individual questions, and that encourage us to continue to ask ourselves the questions that will teach us what we need to know about ourselves.
And where do you go when you need something real, something not generated by electrons shooting at a computer screen? You go watch the sun rise on a Spring morning. You watch the rejuvenation provided by a Spring rain. You seek the laughter of a child as their parent pushes them on a swing. You seek the crack of a bat at a Little League game, or the celebration after someone scores the winning goal. And you keep seeking these things when you remember those who are less fortunate than us, because it is only us, by finding and sharing the love that God provided in such abundance who can raise them up and let them know that we remember that we are all children of the same world. And all deserving of love from all available sources.
Everything that God creates is very good. His standard is the most important one in our lives. If we can remember that we are very good, and to love ourselves as such, and to share that love as often as we can, then we will begin to right our individual ships, and someday all will be well in the world.
Until Next Time,
Julius
Genesis 1: 26-31; American Standard Version (http://www.biblegateway.com)
Shouldn’t that be enough for us to be satisfied? Isn’t that a high enough standard for all of us, that God created us, and that we are very good? Where do so many of us get the idea that we are less than very good? What is the motivation to be less than very good? Near as I can tell this notion that we are less than very good is more destructive than it is motivational.
Somewhere between our birth as totally innocent beings and the moment when we finally believe that we are “very good” we are taught the notion that we are more than some people and less than others. We are more or less intelligent. We are more or less financially secure. We are more or less able to accomplish athletic tasks. We are more or less worthy of the love and respect of others.
Perhaps it is a humanization of Mother Nature’s pecking order. It is well established that among many animal species that live as groups there are identifiable animals that are the leaders, or the “alphas,” and that there are sometimes battles to establish the alpha. Being as we are descendants of the animal kingdom this should not be too surprising. This stratification appears to begin when we are very young, where some children demonstrate abilities that are superior to those of others. Reading ability. Cognitive abilities. Athletic abilities. Leadership abilities. After all, we are each a combination of different slices of genetic code, and there are an infinite number of such combinations. That we all don’t do everything equally well is not surprising.
The striking thing is that beings that were created by a loving God use this natural separation of abilities as the basis for social differentiation. We learn as children to praise and belittle others based on these natural abilities. We are taught to look up to certain people as role models. We are taught to look down upon others as bad examples. We begin to call others names, and then the names get more awful as we hear what adults call each other. So we not only inherit our genetically-granted abilities from our families, but also their standards and biases and prejudices, and their labels. Fat. Stupid. Idiot. Democrat. Republican. And all of the others that my conscious does not allow me to type.
Where is the love? The love that is best taught by the Golden Rule, and other biblical variations upon it:
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
John 13:34; American Standard Version (http://www.biblegateway.com)
"The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'…To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."
Mark 12:31, 33; American Standard Version (http://www.biblegateway.com)
"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."
1 John 4:12; American Standard Version (http://www.biblegateway.com)
What do we say about ourselves when we categorize those around us, those we elect to lead us, those who live in foreign lands, those who truly do not know better, with the slurs we learn from adults and the others we hold as leaders? I believe that we are telling ourselves that we do not love ourselves very much; that there are fundamental parts of our being that have not been put into place. And there are plenty of clues that this is the case. Addictive and compulsive behaviors.
At 48 years of age I have finally read and learned enough to know that the compulsions that have manifested themselves inside of me have been driven by low self-esteem, a feeling that I am not good enough, that I need to be more. They are fueled by my inability to solve my need to please other people at my own expense, to compromise to the point of compromising my values and what I know to be right. I have this overwhelming urge to please others as a means to get them to accept me. To love me. Because somewhere along the way I never learned to love myself enough to say “no:” to food, to pleasure, to relaxation, to spending money I didn’t have, to skipping exercise. And based on the obesity epidemic and the scores of those who harbor addictions, I believe that I am not the only one who has been looking for love in all the wrong places.
And where are the right places? In the 21st Century, they are everywhere! There are Internet communities that provide the support needed to help us begin to see that we are not alone, that provide the information to help us make better choices, that provide the fuel to allow us to find the courage to keep seeking answers to our individual questions, and that encourage us to continue to ask ourselves the questions that will teach us what we need to know about ourselves.
And where do you go when you need something real, something not generated by electrons shooting at a computer screen? You go watch the sun rise on a Spring morning. You watch the rejuvenation provided by a Spring rain. You seek the laughter of a child as their parent pushes them on a swing. You seek the crack of a bat at a Little League game, or the celebration after someone scores the winning goal. And you keep seeking these things when you remember those who are less fortunate than us, because it is only us, by finding and sharing the love that God provided in such abundance who can raise them up and let them know that we remember that we are all children of the same world. And all deserving of love from all available sources.
Everything that God creates is very good. His standard is the most important one in our lives. If we can remember that we are very good, and to love ourselves as such, and to share that love as often as we can, then we will begin to right our individual ships, and someday all will be well in the world.
Until Next Time,
Julius
Friday, May 22, 2009
What is Marriage Supposed To Be?
The upcoming formal end of my marriage has had me going through the classic stages of loss and grieving, and doing a lot of thinking about what went wrong. Then today I come across a post on a personal improvement website that I frequent about a member who was chucking it all because his wife didn’t like the time he spent there. Prior to dispensing any words of wisdom, I found a subsequent post that he and his wife were back, and it brought back some old memories from my marriage.
Not having been in any serious relationships prior to meeting my wife probably left me naïve as to the interpersonal skills needed to negotiate such a committed relationship. I learned much more about myself over the last 17 years than I did about my wife, and it is going to change the way I behave as I move forward in the world. The way I behave as a single person, and the way I behave if I ever have another significant other, which right now is the last thing I want! It’s not that it was so bad, or has to be bad, it’s that I have a lot of work to do to get me where I need to be for the 5 children that I now have to father from a distance, and where I need to get to in order to be the me I want the world to get to know.
Let me start here: I believe that marriage is not so much a dedication to each other, but a commitment to the shared person that marriage creates, a celebration of the yin and the yang, the creation of a complete being who is more than the simple sum of the two people being joined. There does need to be a realization by both parties that each participant is a person, with characteristics and flaws that make them the individual they are, the person who attracted the other. And each person has thoughts, and feelings, and history, and friends, and likes, and dislikes, and so on, that are uniquely theirs. And the complete being formed through marriage must respect, if not embrace, these traits as just as important as those of the shared person. If either party’s characteristics become more important than the other, many negative feelings will be generated, and the union will suffer.
How do I know? I lived it. Not that I was the perfect partner. Not that I will ever be the perfect partner. That being said, I do have a concept of what unconditional love is, and it is what I tried to practice over the past 17 years of my life, and always will. A part of me still loves my wife and always will. I accept her flaws and her history and her misgivings about what she did before I met her just as I accepted all of her positives. And there are many times that I do not know how I will live without her. There are also the times I resent her for asking me to give up friends she didn’t like, female associates that she was suspicious of, interests that didn’t mesh well with hers, telling me what was wrong with my family and my upbringing, and my point of view, and my questions. And I get angry at myself for doing all of those things, and more, that were inconsistent with who I was, who I am, what I wanted my shared life to be about, where I wanted to go with her by my side. Places I will have to go alone, or with someone else. And I will probably think of her, at least once in a while.
I have a sense that many a divorced person could have written the previous words. Why do so many people expect their significant others to give up their lives so completely in order to have a shared life in their personal vision? Why are so many so willing to give up everything they have become through their own trials and tribulations? Are we all so scared to be alone? Are we really that conflict averse? Are we afraid of what a true sharing of ideals and values and thoughts can give us? Or the benefits of a little arguing? Do so few of us see this model in our parents that we do not know how to gain it for ourselves? And what does this kind of relationship teach our children? What hope can we have for them to have more fulfilling relationships when all they see is one or the other partner sacrifice so much to keep the other partner “happy?” How does one break this cycle and allow their children to have better relationships than they have had?
I am a chemist by training, so the following excursion into genetics will be with some trepidation, but here goes: I think that the whole idea of hybrids in genetics is to take the desirable properties of one seed line and merge it with the desired characteristics of another to produce better fruit than either of the original seed lines. Many of these experiments don’t work out, but many do. Is there a way of teaching our children that marriage is much like the desirable hybrid, where the two sets of characteristics are merged to produce a superior relationship? We as people should never compromise everything that makes us unique, but we do need to be prepared to give up that part of ourselves that would compromise the union we so desperately crave. There is a humility, an openness, a vulnerability that two people share to become an example to their children. The intimacy that is created when everything is right is the sacred union that is the quest of each of us. It is nirvana, heaven on earth.
Then why do so many of us choose to impose our individual personal hells on one another in the name of marriage? How do we learn to play nice and not just pick up our ball and run away? That, I believe, is one of the secrets of life that not many of us ever get to experience. For when we do have it, maybe we won’t know what else to seek. Living in nirvana is a problem I would love to have.
Until Next Time,
Julius
Not having been in any serious relationships prior to meeting my wife probably left me naïve as to the interpersonal skills needed to negotiate such a committed relationship. I learned much more about myself over the last 17 years than I did about my wife, and it is going to change the way I behave as I move forward in the world. The way I behave as a single person, and the way I behave if I ever have another significant other, which right now is the last thing I want! It’s not that it was so bad, or has to be bad, it’s that I have a lot of work to do to get me where I need to be for the 5 children that I now have to father from a distance, and where I need to get to in order to be the me I want the world to get to know.
Let me start here: I believe that marriage is not so much a dedication to each other, but a commitment to the shared person that marriage creates, a celebration of the yin and the yang, the creation of a complete being who is more than the simple sum of the two people being joined. There does need to be a realization by both parties that each participant is a person, with characteristics and flaws that make them the individual they are, the person who attracted the other. And each person has thoughts, and feelings, and history, and friends, and likes, and dislikes, and so on, that are uniquely theirs. And the complete being formed through marriage must respect, if not embrace, these traits as just as important as those of the shared person. If either party’s characteristics become more important than the other, many negative feelings will be generated, and the union will suffer.
How do I know? I lived it. Not that I was the perfect partner. Not that I will ever be the perfect partner. That being said, I do have a concept of what unconditional love is, and it is what I tried to practice over the past 17 years of my life, and always will. A part of me still loves my wife and always will. I accept her flaws and her history and her misgivings about what she did before I met her just as I accepted all of her positives. And there are many times that I do not know how I will live without her. There are also the times I resent her for asking me to give up friends she didn’t like, female associates that she was suspicious of, interests that didn’t mesh well with hers, telling me what was wrong with my family and my upbringing, and my point of view, and my questions. And I get angry at myself for doing all of those things, and more, that were inconsistent with who I was, who I am, what I wanted my shared life to be about, where I wanted to go with her by my side. Places I will have to go alone, or with someone else. And I will probably think of her, at least once in a while.
I have a sense that many a divorced person could have written the previous words. Why do so many people expect their significant others to give up their lives so completely in order to have a shared life in their personal vision? Why are so many so willing to give up everything they have become through their own trials and tribulations? Are we all so scared to be alone? Are we really that conflict averse? Are we afraid of what a true sharing of ideals and values and thoughts can give us? Or the benefits of a little arguing? Do so few of us see this model in our parents that we do not know how to gain it for ourselves? And what does this kind of relationship teach our children? What hope can we have for them to have more fulfilling relationships when all they see is one or the other partner sacrifice so much to keep the other partner “happy?” How does one break this cycle and allow their children to have better relationships than they have had?
I am a chemist by training, so the following excursion into genetics will be with some trepidation, but here goes: I think that the whole idea of hybrids in genetics is to take the desirable properties of one seed line and merge it with the desired characteristics of another to produce better fruit than either of the original seed lines. Many of these experiments don’t work out, but many do. Is there a way of teaching our children that marriage is much like the desirable hybrid, where the two sets of characteristics are merged to produce a superior relationship? We as people should never compromise everything that makes us unique, but we do need to be prepared to give up that part of ourselves that would compromise the union we so desperately crave. There is a humility, an openness, a vulnerability that two people share to become an example to their children. The intimacy that is created when everything is right is the sacred union that is the quest of each of us. It is nirvana, heaven on earth.
Then why do so many of us choose to impose our individual personal hells on one another in the name of marriage? How do we learn to play nice and not just pick up our ball and run away? That, I believe, is one of the secrets of life that not many of us ever get to experience. For when we do have it, maybe we won’t know what else to seek. Living in nirvana is a problem I would love to have.
Until Next Time,
Julius
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Passing the Burden Along
Several years ago there was a trend in American business where companies were bought out, hacked up, and resold. The Leveraged Buy Out (LBO) affected thousands of companies, and I dare say in a less than positive fashion. Additionally, I worked for a company that bought and sold itself several times by first going public, then returning to private status, and doing the cycle more than once. The net effect of these maneuvers was to run up incredible debt in these companies without having anything tangible to show for it. Debt that is making them do things that they would rather not do, like have cascading waves of downsizings to get through the “recession” while sacrificing their efforts on future products.
Why bring this up? Because I am getting tired of reading posts online that are simply crucifying the new administration in Washington for the economic policies they are putting in place. They have been in office just over 100 days! They really didn’t do much to create the mess they are trying to fix! The last two months of the Bush administration were spent watching the economic flames get bigger and bigger while they tried to figure out how to avoid the world finding out about “our” torture policies. And there were warning signs that many ignored.
The current mess was not created in a day, but sure needs to be fixed quickly. There are many who feel that we should just let the banks and automakers go under and move on. That is a strategy, I suppose, but where will the unemployment end? I believe that if unemployment soars to 25% we will be rooted to this spot in our economic history for at least a decade, and an entire generation will be lost. Think this is crazy? Check out what happened in Great Britain a generation ago! They have an entire generation of folks who couldn’t find work and it did not help that country prosper. It was painful.
Unlike many of the programs our federal government has undertaken, getting the economy back on its feet quickly is one of the primary services the federal government SHOULD undertake. Its function is to provide the infrastructure and economic base for business to flourish. Many of our entitlements probably should have never been implemented in the first place, but, in my opinion, had to be because greed got in the way. The greed of the American populace to have more and more. The greed of business to sell more and more. The greed of those same businesses to be more and more profitable, yet give less and less to those who did the work to generate the profits. This greed is why unions were needed in the first place, to stem the tide of the mass exploitation of the American worker.
And the mortgage/credit crisis of 2008 was inevitable. Home prices had to go up quickly to support the risks being taken by the gang on Wall Street. The house of cards had to fall because incomes were not going up as quickly, unless, of course, you were an executive or actually worked on Wall Street! Those incomes were soaring!!! Did they think that the rest of us were enjoying the same spoils of American prosperity? In fact, they knew that we weren’t because they were cooking the books and signing the checks!
In reality, what these clowns have done is a huge LBO of the entire country! They have extracted huge sums of money from the collective bank account and placed it into theirs. And just like the companies that ran up massive debt through the acquisition of absolutely nothing, the country has run up a massive debt through the acquisition of absolutely nothing. AND, just like these companies, the people of the United States are going to have to gradually pay down the debt over MANY years of hard work and focused spending control. The hard work will be done because it’s what Americans have done since we launched our country. Spending control? I do not have high hopes; think about who controls spending in Washington. The saving grace may be that we are going to be so far in debt that other countries will not loan us anymore. We can only hope! Ironic, but this is what happens when you or I get too far in debt and cannot pay our bills. What will happen when the Chinese decide to foreclose on America???
In getting back to my original distain for those railing against the new administration, I have a question: What are we supposed to do now? Where are their solutions? If the economy is in a tailspin with unemployment at 10-12%, can you imagine how much tax revenue we could generate at 25%? And how many goods would be flying off of the shelves at Wal-Mart? And how many retirement accounts would support retirement then? And how many more homes would be in foreclosure? And how many of those homes would be in the neighborhoods of those who instigated this mess? Far too few!!! But they are still raking in the bucks. They do not need to shop at Wal-Mart. They are keeping Tiffany’s and Bloomingdale’s in business! And their kids will have all of their bonus money to support their lifestyle and their families. I thought that the American dream was that we all could have this. I didn’t realize that I had to sell my soul to get this benefit.
And finally, I am seriously praying for the next two generations, and I recommend that you do too. We are saddling them with a tremendous burden, and they are going to need “real” help to get through the pile of bills we are leaving for them. One burden that our generation needs to consider taking on is improving the education system. Why? Because a wise man named Einstein once waxed that you cannot solve tomorrow’s problems using the same thinking that created them. And it looks like the wizards of Wall Street have given us the ultimate proof of his hypothesis!
Until Next Time!
Julius
Why bring this up? Because I am getting tired of reading posts online that are simply crucifying the new administration in Washington for the economic policies they are putting in place. They have been in office just over 100 days! They really didn’t do much to create the mess they are trying to fix! The last two months of the Bush administration were spent watching the economic flames get bigger and bigger while they tried to figure out how to avoid the world finding out about “our” torture policies. And there were warning signs that many ignored.
The current mess was not created in a day, but sure needs to be fixed quickly. There are many who feel that we should just let the banks and automakers go under and move on. That is a strategy, I suppose, but where will the unemployment end? I believe that if unemployment soars to 25% we will be rooted to this spot in our economic history for at least a decade, and an entire generation will be lost. Think this is crazy? Check out what happened in Great Britain a generation ago! They have an entire generation of folks who couldn’t find work and it did not help that country prosper. It was painful.
Unlike many of the programs our federal government has undertaken, getting the economy back on its feet quickly is one of the primary services the federal government SHOULD undertake. Its function is to provide the infrastructure and economic base for business to flourish. Many of our entitlements probably should have never been implemented in the first place, but, in my opinion, had to be because greed got in the way. The greed of the American populace to have more and more. The greed of business to sell more and more. The greed of those same businesses to be more and more profitable, yet give less and less to those who did the work to generate the profits. This greed is why unions were needed in the first place, to stem the tide of the mass exploitation of the American worker.
And the mortgage/credit crisis of 2008 was inevitable. Home prices had to go up quickly to support the risks being taken by the gang on Wall Street. The house of cards had to fall because incomes were not going up as quickly, unless, of course, you were an executive or actually worked on Wall Street! Those incomes were soaring!!! Did they think that the rest of us were enjoying the same spoils of American prosperity? In fact, they knew that we weren’t because they were cooking the books and signing the checks!
In reality, what these clowns have done is a huge LBO of the entire country! They have extracted huge sums of money from the collective bank account and placed it into theirs. And just like the companies that ran up massive debt through the acquisition of absolutely nothing, the country has run up a massive debt through the acquisition of absolutely nothing. AND, just like these companies, the people of the United States are going to have to gradually pay down the debt over MANY years of hard work and focused spending control. The hard work will be done because it’s what Americans have done since we launched our country. Spending control? I do not have high hopes; think about who controls spending in Washington. The saving grace may be that we are going to be so far in debt that other countries will not loan us anymore. We can only hope! Ironic, but this is what happens when you or I get too far in debt and cannot pay our bills. What will happen when the Chinese decide to foreclose on America???
In getting back to my original distain for those railing against the new administration, I have a question: What are we supposed to do now? Where are their solutions? If the economy is in a tailspin with unemployment at 10-12%, can you imagine how much tax revenue we could generate at 25%? And how many goods would be flying off of the shelves at Wal-Mart? And how many retirement accounts would support retirement then? And how many more homes would be in foreclosure? And how many of those homes would be in the neighborhoods of those who instigated this mess? Far too few!!! But they are still raking in the bucks. They do not need to shop at Wal-Mart. They are keeping Tiffany’s and Bloomingdale’s in business! And their kids will have all of their bonus money to support their lifestyle and their families. I thought that the American dream was that we all could have this. I didn’t realize that I had to sell my soul to get this benefit.
And finally, I am seriously praying for the next two generations, and I recommend that you do too. We are saddling them with a tremendous burden, and they are going to need “real” help to get through the pile of bills we are leaving for them. One burden that our generation needs to consider taking on is improving the education system. Why? Because a wise man named Einstein once waxed that you cannot solve tomorrow’s problems using the same thinking that created them. And it looks like the wizards of Wall Street have given us the ultimate proof of his hypothesis!
Until Next Time!
Julius
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